The Amazing Adventures of Asano Keigo
by Pisces
Summary: How do normal humans deal with Hollows? Unfortunately for Keigo, not very well.
1. In Which Our Intrepid Hero Gets His

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Kubo Tite.

Author's Notes: Why do I always fall for the side characters no one else likes? Ah well, so is life.

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**The Amazing Adventures of Asano Keigo  
**_In Which Our Intrepid Hero Gets His Ass Kicked._

The sun was just setting behind the buildings, the sky turning a pleasant orange, when Asano Keigo wandered down the deserted Karakura street, heavy backpack slung over one shoulder. Over the dull drone of evening crickets, a tinny pounding beat drummed from a pair of headphones securely snuggled within the teen's shaggy hair, making his daily solitary walk home bearable and even entertaining. Keigo's head bobbed along with the song, feet doing a small shuffled dance as he turned a street corner, where upon which the side of his face forcefully met the side of a brick wall.

Keigo blinked, skin scrapping against grit.

_Oh my._

His school bag was tugged, and the rest of Keigo came along with it, before being shoved backwards once more, head snapping and sharp pain exploding behind his eyes.

_Hello wall,_ he thought dazedly._ We meet again._

"Oh." Keigo squinted through the fading stars that colored his vision. "Ooshima. Fancy meeting you here."

Ooshima laughed.

Ooshima's friend (whom Keigo had mentally dubbed 'Lackey #2' from a previous encounter) laughed.

Keigo cringed.

"I see your two bodyguards aren't with you today." Ooshima sneered. Lackey #2 snickered on cue.

Keigo, who had graduated his freshman year at Karakura High School with a D in Math and an A in being bullied (The A, in his unfortunate case, stood for 'All the Freaking Time'.), ignored the not so subtle tightening of Ooshima's large fist around his shirt collar and grinding of his school things between his back and the brick wall like the pro that he was. But, he found himself in a rather interesting quandary.

Should he: A) Follow the usual script and beg for mercy, in hopes that his beating will be as quick and (relatively) painless as possible, or B) Commit ritualistic suicide and speak aloud the sarcastic remark hovering at the tip of his tongue. Instead, he did neither, settling on option C, a rather tentative, "Er... yes?"

Apparently option C was the incorrect answer. Or perhaps there wasn't a correct answer to be had, but Keigo didn't particularly feel very philosophical about it as Ooshima's knuckles (Damn, he was wearing a ring today.) connected with the side of his face that had beforehand met up with the brick wall. Said brick wall was getting up close and personal with the back of his head.

Again.

Teeth sliced the inside of his mouth, blood trickling out the corner of his split lip. Headphones were knocked askew. The MP3 player buried within a pocket of his school uniform slacks changed tracks.

_Damn, I don't want to get my ass kicked to a soundtrack._

"Oh, what do we have here?" the large redhead chortled, completely ripping the headphones off of the brown head, and letting Keigo drop like a sack of potatoes.

Keigo stared blindly ahead, ear pressed against concrete, fingers wrapped loosely about a bit of rock. A blur of blue came into focus just beyond his nose, and scuffed sideways. Brown eyes followed it lazily.

_Oh wow, Ooshima's got some nice shoes on._

He wondered briefly if he should let Ooshima know.

"Hey, Ooshima... those are some nice shoes."

Ooshima's snort drifted down from above. "Asano, you're whacked in the head. But..." Thick fingers dug into Keigo's shaggy forelocks and pulled, the world spinning crazily. The teen struggled to get his arms beneath him. Something small, rectangular, and horribly familiar was waved in front of his face. "I always did want one of these."

_Wait... what?_

"H-hey..."

Ooshima laughed.

Lackey #2 laughed.

Keigo cringed.

"Don't worry Asano, I'll take good care of it."

They couldn't... that wasn't... that was just... that was _thievery_! Beat him, sure, steal his money, sure, that was like, like, a _toll_, but the sheer _nerve_... That was _his._

_His,_ damn it.

Keigo was on his feet, the strap of his satchel firm in his grip, without conscious thought. He wound back, and let the heavy book ladened bag fly with as much power his scrawny sixteen year old body could muster.

The throw was beautiful.

Lackey #2 dropped like a stone.

Keigo exploded. "_Fuck!"_

He had been aiming at Ooshima.

Keigo's eyes were drawn to his (_His!_) MP3 player clutched in Ooshima's large hand. He wanted to rage. He wanted to lament. He wanted it _back_. But unfortunately all that really happened was Ooshima's other fist ramming into his stomach. And _then_ he was on the ground again, and _then_ those o' so nice shoes were planting themselves into his ribs, and _then_ he was alone.

Without his MP3 player.

"...ow. My pride."


	2. In Which a Hollow Appears

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Kubo Tite.

Author's Notes: Hum... nothing to say here. I think.

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**The Amazing Adventures of Asano Keigo**  
_In Which A Hollow Appears._

An overhead street lamp was already flickering to life by the time Keigo had worked the energy to haul his sorry carcass up, using the brick wall as support. His ribs hurt, his head hurt, and he was sure one hell of a shiner was already forming across his cheekbone.

Shoulder resting against the wall, arm hugging his middle, the teen reached up and gently felt the back of his head. His fingers came back sticky.

_Hurm..._

His eyes slide sideways, resting on a splotch of blood on the wall.

_That can't be good._

Heaving a sigh that made the ache in his ribs flare temporarily, Keigo pushed off the wall and, with the barest hint of a stumble, made his way over to his fallen satchel, kneeling down beside it with an ungraceful huff. His books had all but exploded on impact, and Keigo set about the tedious task of gathering and sorting them back into place. The pounding of his head increased with every movement, but it wasn't until he paused and reached up to rub the bridge of his nose did he realize the source of his headache wasn't just from the beating it had taken earlier.

He ignored the increasing pressure building behind his eyes, and instead finished stuffing the last book into his bag, papers sticking about haphazardly. He pushed off the ground with a small groan, trying to settling the strap of his school satchel in a way that wouldn't squash his smarting sides. He couldn't find one.

_Ow._

"Ow."

And he continued on down the road.

_Man, the crickets are loud this evening. Better make sure I don't step on any, or else the evil spirits will descend from above and tear my soul to tiny bits. Wait, is _that_ why this is happening? Oh, poor unseen _"...cricket, I did not mean to snuff your mortal coil so wantonly! Spar this undeserving heathen, so that he my reflect upon his wrong doings and atone for them, for then_ surely_...!"

Keigo rounded a corner.

A little girl stared at him.

She was fairly normal, as far as little girls go. Her hair done up in messy pigtails, her little dress smugged with dirt. She just happened to be suspiciously translucent.

She waved at him.

Keigo waved back.

"Hello mister. Did you kill a cricket?"

Keigo looked slightly panicked. "Yes! I mean, no, I mean, uh... I mean, maybe..."

The little girl giggled, and hoped up on one foot playfully. "You know killing a cricket is bad luck, mister. Can you play with me today?"

The brown haired teen squatted carefully down beside her small blurry form, tweaking her nose. The cold soaked in through his thin fingertips, chilling his bones. "Not today, little missy, but maybe tomorrow. Right now, I really think you should get out of this area."

The girl pouted, then tugged at Keigo's hand. He worried at his split lip, bitting back a groan as his wounds protested. The heat of the cut felt nice in comparison to her clammy grip. "Mister, are you going to save me from the scary monster again?"

_If by 'save' you mean getting you someplace other then here and running my pansy ass off, then yeah, that's exactly what I'm going to do._

"Come on, little missy." Keigo sighed, and let the child skip ahead of him. "You don't want to end up like..."

The girl stilled, then continued on at a much more sedated pace.

It was a rather odd sensation, the one growing in his sometimes admittedly unstable mind. While the source was getting farther behind him, the pressure was increasing steadily, releasing tension and building it at the same time. He hated when this happen, when it just kept on building and building and building and didn't think it was going to stop until his head _exploded-_

"Hey, mister?" The girl turned on one heel to face him, hands held behind her back. She cocked her head to the side underneath the street lamp light and the dying sun. "I don't think I want to be here anymore."

Keigo blinked.

The girl turned back around, scuffing the heels of her shoes as she walked. "I'm lonely, and none of my friends will talk to me anymore, and sissy's... gone. I wish there was some way I could... What do you think would happen to me if one of those monsters caught me? Maybe I would end up like Sis, or, or, maybe I could _meet _her, and we could be-"

Keigo laid a hand on her tiny, cold shoulder.

The little girl turned around.

And Keigo smiled at her.

It was small, and warm, but most importantly, it was _sincere._

She stared up at him, then smiled back. "Thanks, mister!" She giggled and skipped ahead again.

Keigo's grin turned a bit wiry.

_I've become a counselor to suicidal ghost children._

And then the world exploded.

At least... that's what it felt like to Keigo.

He stumbled a bit, and felt rather proud of himself when he didn't puke on the spot. The pressure had left, only to make room for near-blinding pain. Pain and a whole lot of fear. Lucky for him, fear was an _amazing_ anesthetic. Shaking off his dizziness, he began sprinting down the road fill tilt, heavy bag banging painfully against his thigh with every pounding stride. He caught up to the girl easily and began urging her forward, babbling inanely, mind fully focused on the burning presence a block behind.

Seeing the ghost of one little girl getting eaten was more then enough for one lifetime, thank you very much.

The tiny spirit squeaked when what could only be described as a howl ripped through the evening air. Crickets went silent; the girl froze. Keigo wanted to tear his hair out.

"_Damnit._" Keigo growled out in pure frustration, giving her shoulder a rough shove. She stumbled, but remained rooted, shivering like a leaf.

Keigo was almost frantic in his attempts to get her moving. _"Please _move, little missy." God, he was so _scared._ The memory of the sister's screams echoed in his mind. "You have to _hide_." Tears pricked at the corner of his eyes. His hands shook. "I don't even know if I can pick up ghosts!" His head hurt.

"_Damnit!" _he growled again, voice cracking halfway through. He spun around, bolting back the direction he came from, half blind. God, he was so stupid. What was he going to do? Get himself killed, that's what, and then the monster will eat her anyway. He wasn't brave. He wasn't strong. He was just _stupid._

And so, when confronted with a ten foot, hulking monster with a white mask where its face should have been, Keigo wasn't ashamed to admit he screamed. Loudly.

The monster grinned it's eerily two rowed grin and wrapped a giant hand around Keigo's leg, lifting him bodily. The sudden rush of blood to his aching head dimmed his vision to mere pinpoints, and when he blinked his eyesight back into place he was left with an up close perspective of bone white smoothness and black burning pits that made up the monster's face.

Sky below and ground above; Keigo sucked in a gasp.

The monster lolled it's massive tongue, leaning in close. A sharp claw-like fingernail scratched erratically against Keigo's pant leg. It sniffed. "Hum, you smell good – for a human."

_Well, you're here. Now what, stupid?_

Guess it was time for option A.

"I didn't mean to kill that cricket, I swear!"

There was a pause, in which Keigo's school satchel finally slipped off from where it had been snagged against his armpit, and hit the ground with a thud.

It's grip around his whole lower leg tightened convulsively. Keigo swore he could hear bones grinding.

"Cric-"

The monster's confused expression split in half, top to bottom (Or bottom to top, depending on your point-of-view.), and then he was falling, and oh my, didn't that ground look _awfully _close, but he was caught and righted before he could personally experience just how close it could be. Keigo clung to the strong arm wrapped around his shoulders, uncaring about who saw him or what they might think. Anything was better then being killed and eaten.

A familiar voice chuckled from above. "Keigo-kun, this is the third time this week I've saved you from a hollow."

Keigo sighed in relief, and with the lose of fear and panic, all his various aches and pains came back with vengeance.

_Ow._

_This day has sucked._

_I mean..._

Keigo grunted a little bit, and pushed away from his support, testing his newly injured leg.

_...sucked _hard.

It seemed to hold his weight well enough.

_...I wonder if that little girl is alright?_

"Thank you very much, Afro-Ossan!" The teen grinned up at his savior, finally acknowledging his presence, and bowed stiffly.

The aptly labeled shinigama, Kurumadani Zennosuke, chuckled and laid a hand on the teenager's thin shoulder. "Are you alright, Keigo-kun? You're looking a bit..." There was a pause. "...ah... worse for wear."

"I'll be fine, Afro-Ossan. At least my headache is back to normal!"

"Normal... right. Here, let me help you gather your things."

"That'd be great! This is the second time today I've had to do this..." Limping noticeably, Keigo knelt down beside his fallen bag, glaring at it in disgust.

Zennosuke joined him on the hard concrete, treating the spilled contents with much more care then Keigo himself was. "Ah... where is your magic music box?"

"My MP3 player?" Keigo looked vaguely amused at the shinigama's word choice. "Ooshima took it upon himself to forcefully remove it from my person earlier."

"That's theft! Have you contacted the proper authorities yet?"

"Proper authorities? I can't-" Keigo stopped, blinked, then stuffed the last book in place with an air of finality. Raising to his feet and swinging his satchel up over his head and into place, Keigo grinned down at the still kneeling Zennosuke. "Thanks for all the help, Afro-Ossan. See ya later!"

The teen took a step, then whirled back round. "Oh! There should be a ghost of a little girl down the street a ways. Help her out, yeah?" Keigo waved, and was on his way.

Zennosuke could only wave back.

* * *

The current sergeant working the front desk of one of the many Karakura police departments was staring moodily into the depths of his lukewarm coffee, and so he missed the entrance of a young teenager who was looking a bit... ah, worse for wear.

Sighing in boredom, he glanced up.

"Holy _shit_ kid, what happened to you!"

The kid chuckled, hand rubbed the back of his shaggy head nervously. "I would like to report a, uh... robbery?"

The sergeant rose out of his chair, leaning over the desk to get a good look at the bedraggled teenager. "Looks more like a mugging to me, kid."

The kid's face went blank.

"I would like to report a mugging."

And then he grinned.

* * *

**Author's Ending Notes:** A few things!

The whole cricket thing, if someone didn't get that. It's an old (Chinese? I can't quite remember.) superstition that crickets are lucky house spirits and that killing one, mostly within a house, is bad luck. I just took that superstition and had Keigo's over reactive mind run with it.

Two! 'And then the world exploded.' XD I've always wanted to use that line in a story. It's so freakin cheesy.

Three! Ooshima, for those who might not have know him, is a character that, as far as I know, is only in the manga. Typical bully. And Kurumadani Zennosuke is the afro-ed shinigama that takes over Karakura while Ichigo& Friends storm Soul Society. He shows up on occasion and, according to the filler, is still hanging out in Karakura.

And finally: Four! I debated whether I was going to use -kun and the such, but Afro-Ossan sounds so much better then 'Mr. Afro Dude'. I mean... come on.

Next up!

_In Which Our Hero Distracts a Strawberry._


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